The Sounds Of Silence

This is not an easy subject to blog about. Male Sexual Assaults in the military is an issue more under-reported than female rapes and sexual assaults. It carries its own stigma for the men of this horrific crime. While there is the outrage to personage of both genders, men question their own masculinity, their own ability to act as men should in our American society.

Got Be A Macho Man

GI Joe: Everything A Fighting Man should be

Young boys enter the Armed Forces in hopes to elevate or change over whatever perception society
has about them. They believe putting on the uniform will give them respect by their civilian peers, elders, and a sense of self respect and purpose. Young men are fed a diet of what it should mean to be a man: virile, tough, courageous, and even sexy enough to impress a woman through Hollywood's hottest leading male types. The stallions of the cinema; the bad ass rebels who can kick ass, jump from burning buildings, and rescue hot women. The Clooney's, the Brad Pitt's, Harrison Ford's, the Tom Cruise's represent maleness in today's culture.


Now imaging signing up for an institution that promises to make a fighting machine out of you, where you train hard, live tough, and dress in a uniform that will make the gals swoon back home. "Sign me up" you say. But then your hopes crash down to earth! They're shattered by the one thing you didn't count on; your manhood has been shattered by an act (or in some cases a series) of rape.

Because of male stereotypes, who we are suppose to be; male rape in the military engulfs a person's very essence in the shadows of shame and silence. "Don't talk!"--- "People will think you're queer"--- "you're weak!"---"Real men don't get raped."--- "Don't say anything, you'll get over it!"---"Talk and you're military career is over!" A man becomes incased in a prison of shame and fear.  The world is different now, people are different, and they believe that they are different. There is self-incrimination, and debasement.

The unadorned facts are because there are more men in our military than women, the case of sexual assault and rape are statically higher. While the number of sexual assaults by 2012 rose to 26,000 cases approximately 53% of those attacks were on men. While society continues to either ignore, or give a side-eye glance to that statistic, it cannot be disputed that this is happening within the ranks of the greatest military force on earth, and men embraced the silence.

The Vision That Planted Still Remains

Brian K Lewis

On March 13, 2013, I watched victims of Sexual Assault in the military give their eye-opening testimony of their ordeals at the hand of military criminals within the ranks of their duty stations. If you watched this broadcast on C-Span, the most noted testimony was a former Chief Petty officer, Brian K. Lewis of the US Navy.  To record, he is the first male survivor to testify before congress on this issue. I couldn't help but note the flashes of grimace on his face as he gave testimony throughout the session.

"During my tour on the USS Frank Cable, I was raped by a superior non-commissioned officer. I was ordered by my command not to report this crime. After this crime had taken place, I was misdiagnosed with a personality disorder by the Director of Defense Centers.--- The culture of victim blaming and retaliation while failing to punish the perpetrator must end. We cannot send the message that men cannot be raped and therefore are not real survivors."

Brian, who is now an advocacy committee member of "Protect Our Defenders" and the president of "Men Recovering From Military Sexual Trauma" does not discount the plight of women in the ranks, he is attempting to raise his voice so that other men will step out from the shadows.

"We need to be talking about this in a gender inclusive way where we're talking about victims and perpetrators."
 This crime carries a different stigma for men, because our whole identity is wrapped up in our masculinity. We don't nurture.  We conquer.  We measure life in terms of winners and whiners. "Don't cry!--- be a man!" we tell little boys.  Sensitivity and virility are not compatible in our culture. We fix cars, love sports, have large man size appetite's, leer at women, and when it come to sex--- we conquer! We don't get conquered! And real men don't give a damn whether anyone likes it or not. Even men who don't have those attributes, aspire to the notion. And when a man becomes traumatized by sexual assault, all of those things bury him alive. "That was what I was suppose to be. Now, what am I?"

People Talking Without Speaking

To stay quiet, and never talk about this horrific act is the way most men choose to deal with it. In fact, only 2% of male victims ever report the crime. The reasons are pretty obvious.  But it's inconceivable for most men to deal with the vulnerable state they would be in if anyone ever knew. Compounded with your close quarters life with the military, you'd hardly escape the ridicule, abuse, taunts, and whispers.    

Michael Matthews was an airman stationed at Whiteman AFB in Mo in1972, when he was sexually assaulted he kept in the shadows for 30 years. Michael had been married and divorce twice, tried to commit suicide four times.

"Coming forward with something like this, there was a risk involved. ---There wouldn't have been any help.--- I served 12 years on active duty, and I hadn't told anyone for over 30 years." Perhaps at some point Michael knew that the wheels were coming off of his third marriage to his wife Geri to whom he had been married to for 25 years.  It "was the scariest moment of my life. I was going to tell my wife, and she was going to leave me.--- Honest to God I couldn't get up every morning without my wife.---and I told her."

Geri recalled the flood of emotions she felt after Michael stepped out of the shadows with his story of being raped. " I felt horrified and sad--- and angry, and feelings began to surface that had been simmering for a long time." as they held each other that evening, Michael could feel this great weight being lifted off of him.

Silence Like a Cancer Grows

Back in 1998 Jeremiah Arbogast joined the Marines just after high school. He never heard about these issues. He started as a motor transport operator, and later was a lance corporal in a weapons training battalion. He was preparing to deploy to Okinawa-- until he was assaulted by someone he trusted. His very own boss.

Arbogast entered the home of his former boss, a Marine staff sergeant, he wearing a body wire hooked up by NCIS, which was listening from a nearby car.
"I need to know what happened," Arbogast told the staff sergeant in 2001. "I need to get help. I can't get help if I don't know what happened."
The man began to coolly list everything he had done to Arbogast, recounting his rape.
"I don't know what possessed him to just be like, 'I did this, this and this, and that's that,'" Arbogast said. "No remorse, no nothing." Arbogast got his rapist's full confession on tape, but the process severely traumatized him -- again.
The staff sergeant was convicted by court martial in 2002, given merely a "bad conduct" discharge from the Marines. However for Jeremiah; his living hell escalated. He suffered more years of severe depression, nightmares and insomnia. He had trouble concentrating; his mind would wander back to the rape. Divorced then remarried plus drinking to numb the pain. Nothing worked. Finally retrieving a revolver from the glove compartment of his wife's car he was ready to end is life. He suffered a gun shot wound and left him a partial paraplegic. In a moment that was just ordered for him, later, his wife would say to him "Now you have a gift. You need to use it." I think, in hindsight, these are the words that changed Jeremiah's trajectory.

"Something clicked," said Arbogast, now 32. "I didn't want anybody else to go through it."  People don't understand why it's a gift," he added, reflecting on his whole experience. "But many people die and never realize what they really had, what their purpose in life was. My life was spared to give me a purpose."

 

And In The Naked Light I Saw 

 Of the many servicemen and women surveyed in the report in 2012, 53% of the victims were male. Only 2% of that number reported the abuse or assault for fear of retaliation ridicule or further acts of violence on them. This is an extremely low under-reporting. Some victims were told "you are the problem." Eventually many were discharged, suffering in silence of their abuse. Some like Brian, Michael, and Jeremiah are beginning to fight back.

Brian Lewis

Brian Lewis now is an advocacy committee member of "Protect Our Defenders." and is President of "Men Recovering From Military Sexual Trauma" He has a life partner who has been loving and supportive of his efforts to bring male sexual trauma to the forefront of the public's attention.

In 26 years of trying to police itself regarding Military Sexual Trauma, the military has only proved one thing; the military is incapable of investigating and adjudicating sexual crime cases."

After Michael Matthew's shared his story with his wife Geri Lynn, Geri responded by saying "Let's Make a movie!" She and Michael have partnered with Michael L Miller to produce the documentary "Justice Denied." This film highlights the fact that not only women are victims but men as well.

"It has to be taken out of the chain of command.-- They've been fighting this for forty years, and Congress, and the Senate keep saying 'we need more studies.' How many more studies are we going to do? Enough already!"

 Jeremiah Arbogast has become involved in "Paralympic" and adaptive sports and is a decorated athlete in cycling and swimming. He had never skied in his life before he became a paraplegic; now he loves it, terrorizing the slopes in a monoski, a bucket chair with a ski attached. Recently, he's been learning how to get around with braces. Like the others, Ray is refusing to live his life again outside the shadows of silence. He shared his story with others through video and blogs and articles.

"I've been through life and death," he said. "There is gonna come a time in your life when you have to say enough is enough. You're letting that perpetrator who assaulted you rent your life for free. You're becoming a slave to what they've done to you."

These men are just a few of the many who have served our Armed Forces. Many like them hide in the shadows of silence. Because criminals are allowed to masquerade as soldiers, airmen, and sailors. These three men have found their voices. Many more need to find theirs.  We must urge our officials (local and national) to take action by adopting policies that will fix this broken institution. By putting a system in the military that is fair and impartial. Defending the victim, and punishing the guilty.



Thank to all of you contributing your thoughts and encouragement.
A big thanks to Jeremiah Arbogast for sending emails, pics and articles of his story. Stay strong brother!

Molly O'Toole for the original article from Huffington Post- molly.otoole@huffingtonpost.com

Protect our Defenders for the information and materials used in this story.- http://www.protectourdefenders.com/

And "Justice Denied" the Movie: Exposing the truth of male victims of military sexual assault http://www.justicedeniedmovie.com/