But when it comes to being lucky he's cursed
When it comes to loving me he's worst"
I recently hears Sheryl Crow sing this tune about the reality of personal pain. And although the lyrics are about the pain of betrayal from a man, the same might be said about giving your heart and trust to an institution, such as the military. A place that you've set your sights on since you were in high school like a university. You dedicate yourself and believe in the principals of discipline and work and honor. You embrace it like a sweetheart.
All Of My Heart
But There's Someone Who's Torn It ApartStars And Stripes featured a story about how a sexual predator maneuvered his way through the ranks. He started out as a soldier with promise, but there were warning signs and red flags that Staff Sgt. Angel Sanchez was trouble from the beginning.
|Staff Sgt. Angel Sanchez|
A first sergeant who wrote a recommendation letter in favor of Sanchez’s being selected as a drill sergeant candidate said Sanchez was the best non-commissioned officer “he had ever served alongside,” an investigator noted.Sanchez was also adept at finding his way around standards and policies, and avoiding detection from other eyes. He could pass the alarm system that separated male and female barracks on the base making his way into the women's barracks at night. Sexual assault and rape is devastating at any level, whether its peer on peer, or a subordinate attack. But the deeper cut comes when someone of higher rank who should have high integrity and trust, violates that honor. They treat a trainee as though they have the right to their very body and soul. When a ranking soldier or commander crosses that line from trust to betrayal, they have sold out the uniform they wear and everything it represents. Like many others, Sanchez totally discounted the ruin and devastation they leave in their path.
But once Sanchez was selected, junior-ranking soldiers wondered how long it would take before he would be accused of sexually harassing female trainees, according to investigation documents.- By Jesse Bogan St. Louis Post-Dispatch Published: January 15, 2015
|Retired Army Brigadier General Dr. Loree Sutton|
Dr. Loree Sutton a retired Army Brigadier General and Psychiatrist states the effects of the devastation like this: "Its akin to what happens in a family with incest ---because in the military when we're functioning at our best, a cohesive unit, ---you know the band of brothers and sisters-- I mean we are family; when that bond of trust is violated, the wound penetrates to the most inner part of one's soul--- one's psyche."
If you follow that reasoning, can you imagine the knife continuing to plunge into a life as he or she is denied by the very institution they are committed to. You relive the experience of the trauma day and night. It comes to you in your sleep, or stabs your thinking during lapse times in your daily routine, until to decide to tell your superiors. Their reactions range from calling you a liar who is trying ruin a good man's career, to someone with mental problem, Maybe a precondition you had before joining. You question yourself as well. "Why didn't I keep this to myself? Or Maybe I brought this on myself. It's all my fault!" You become part of the problem because you dared speak out. And then finally you're considered unfit to serve. The destruction of thrust is complete. No one wants to help. You're met with retaliation or either harassment or silence as many before you were.
When It Comes To Loving Me He's WorstMany Veterans with MST (Military Sexual Trauma) have said their biggest fear did not come from the enemy on the battle field but from the very comrades within the ranks. Rebekah Havarilla testified before the The Military Personnel Subcommittee of The Senate Armed Services Committee:
Military Sexual Assault Victims Testify Before Congress ABC News March 13, 2013Can you imagine living or working in the worse possible situation, with the very fear that you will be attacked at any time of the day or night, by a co-worker or your boss? Do you know what that does to your spirit, your inner drive as a person, that you are potential prey for someone else. And with the daily sexual harassment and mind games being played, you live in the pit of twisted fear and wondering if today will be the day. In the chilling aftermath of the events, no one will believe you, and even blame you for bringing it on yourself. It's as though the institution (military in this case) has given cart blanche to a crime which they refuse to acknowledge or stop.
While trolls attack this issue with crazed anger, contempt and victim blaming, the deepest cut comes from either higher ups in charge, who say things like "it looks like you had a rough roll in the hay..." -Terri's Story of Surviving Military Sexual Assault. Jan 10, 2012 or even family members who say to you just "stay quiet and get through boot camp---" Rape survivor Melissa Davis was given that same advice, because there was no one who would help her. She was caught between a rock and hard
|Former Army Specialist Melissa Davis|
federal advisory committee conducting an independent review of the systems for handling cases of adult sexual assault in the military.
Melissa was also a strong advocate Kirsten Gillibrand's MJIA bill, removing the chain of command as the convening authority in prosecuting cases.
In MemoryMelissa "Missy" Davis passed away on January 31, 2015 (just last month), while recuperating from stomach surgery. She fought a good fight in the advocacy for victims of military sexual trauma. She will be sorely missed by her family and friends, as well as other advocates.
|Melissa Ann "Missy" Davis Advocate Friend and Warrior|
Passed away January 31, 2015
Thank you Melissa for your heart, and courage, to say what more of us should be saying. We love you and will miss you dearly."
Protect Our Defenders
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