Accusers, Abusers, and And Losers

Road less Traveled

I've got nothing on my mind, 
Nothing to remember,

Nothing to forget.

And I've got nothing to regret. 

But I'm all tied up on the inside, 

No one knows quite what I've got, 

And I know that on the outside 

What I used to be 

I'm not anymore.
-Don McClean

I hope you will bear with my thoughts and opinions, because some of them are a little heady.

A week ago, by the time I hit the published button, it seemed like a dam had broken. Four more Roy Moore accusers stepped up to add their voices to the original ones. Now, with a few likable personalities such as Al Franken thrown into the mix, followed by President Trump's mocking, it has been a mental pile up of opinions, reactions, and Twitter drama.

For some of us, it's obvious to the most casual person, that someone who has a history of questionable behavior, followed by being banned from their own town's mall, is not suited for public office and needs to be called out on it. I continue to watch the behavior of Roy Moore. He not only says all of his accusers are liars, but he continues to invoke God, Jesus, and his pristine background as a husband, father, and grandfather.

Moore Staff and Supporters with religious zeal yell at media

It's a real moment in politics only found in Brady Bunch re-runs. Moore's wife and sweetheart (a real Carol Brady of the south,) Kayla, proudly stands by her man, along with Moore's political base. We saw a "Night of the Religious Dead" screaming at reporters recently. They barred them access to the Judge, calling the reporters "fake news from the swamp." (How original.)
   
On the flipside of this Sweet Home Alabama political scenario, news broke out about funny man turned, State Senator, Al Franken. Back in 2006 on a USO tour, Franken did some real dumb and inappropriate things with Leeann Tweeden, a radio host and former model. The photo was jaw dropping to some of his friends, fans, and followers. And the reactions were different. By the time the full effect was felt, it was like a 20-car pile-up. Opinions outside of the "gotcha" crowd, called for Franken's resignation, some felt the comparison to Donald Trump and Moore was unfair, others chimed in, "They all should go!"  While others suspect that the Franken attack was a hit job with a fake photo. Some of that back and forth discourse didn't end well. I even suspect some of this could have opened up old personal wounds of sexual abuse or harassment.

What I Use To Be, I'm Not Anymore

The reality for me has been that although there are unrepentant types in politics, in the entertainment arena, or even in my personal life, people are not perfect. They will disappoint and disillusion us and it hurts sometimes.

I've said very little on the subject of Bill Cosby, because the initial revelations and fallout almost

Bill Cosby and Cast of very famous 80's sitcom

wrecked me. I grew up in the sixties admiring him as an example of what a black man could become. He went from stand up comic to the voice of Fat Albert (giving moral lessons to kids),
iconic TV Dad in the 80's, and spokesman on many issues. So when the news of Cosby's serial sexual assaults came, it hit me like a wrecking ball. For awhile I was stunned into silence, and maybe secretly praying that this was some cruel prank or conspiracy. But as it became more evident that my idol was a rapist, I had to work through my five stages of grief and admit to myself, "Yes, he did those things."  I couldn't excuse him, or crawl into some imaginary Cliff Huxtable world. One of the lesson's I've learned is that, the truth may set you free, but it can sometimes hurt like hell.

To Al Franken's personal credit, he responded to the allegations almost immediately.

"The first thing I want to do is apologize: to Leeann, to everyone else who was part of that tour, to everyone who has worked for me, to everyone I represent, and to everyone who counts on me to be an ally and supporter and champion of women. There's more I want to say, but the first and most important thing—and if it's the only thing you care to hear, that's fine—is: I'm sorry.
"I respect women. I don't respect men who don't. And the fact that my own actions have given people a good reason to doubt that, makes me feel ashamed.
"But I want to say something else, too. Over the last few months, all of us—including and especially men who respect women—have been forced to take a good, hard look at our own actions and think (perhaps, shamefully, for the first time) about how those actions have affected women. See full statement at CNN.com. 

SNL Comic turned Senator Al Franken 

An apology doesn't make everything rosy for the Senator. But maybe it highlights the difference in someone whose not running away from himself or what he did. His actions towards Miss Tweeden were wrong, the picture (according to one of my friends,) triggered her PTSD. This is why I've always said that rape is not, and cannot, be judged politically. This is a personal issue. And even when it's not personal for you, it can be for someone you know.
Simply illustrated: if the most likable person you know who also likes you as well, takes you to dinner and treats a waitress badly, maybe even pinches her ass, do you dismiss it? If she complains about it, do you say to her, "he really is a nice guy" or "he was just kidding..."  or "That's just the way he is. But he doesn't mean any harm." Then you've just co-signed with someone against that waitress who brought your food, kept your water glass filled, and served you with a smile.

All Tied Up On The Inside

It's okay to admit you're struggling with a nice guy's behavior. In fact to admit that to others, like Sarah Silverman did, is very human.

Stand-up Comic Sarah Silverman

"One of my best friends of over 25 years, Louie C.K, masturbated in front of women---He wielded his power with women and in f**ked up ways sometimes to the point where they left Comedy entirely. I could couch this with heartwarming stories of our friendship and what a great dad he is but that's totally irrelevant isn't it? Yes it is. It's a real mindf**k--- you know because,  I love Louie--- but Louie did these things. Both of those statements are true. So I just keep asking myself-- can you love someone who did bad things? Can you still love them? I can mull that over later certainly because the only people that matter right now are the victims. They are victims, and they're victims because of something he did--- so I hope it's okay if I am at once very angry for the women he wronged, and the culture that enabled it. And also sad, because he's my friend. But I believe with all my heart that this moment in time is essential it's vital that people are held accountable for their actions no matter who they are we need to be better--- we will be better.- Sarah Silverman Comments on Sexual Harassment

For me Sarah Silverman is a hero. That may repulse some of you because she's been associated with Louie CK. But I see her as someone who seems to be vulnerable and scared enough to admit this whole issue is a big fat freaking mess. The person she admired did this, and she's pissed and confused, and really doesn't want to talk about it. But she's laying it out there in an un-cute and unfunny way. That takes courage. She's not saying things to make the tribe or her fans feel better. It's just a messed up situation and it is what it is.

All Roads Lead To Where We Stand

Before I finish this next sentence, there will be more sexual harassment and sex assault revelations coming out. We have to also remember that there are also un-famous abusers still committing these crimes to not-so-famous people like ourselves. So maybe we have to ask ourselves-- "Does this get our attention because I care about the issue, and the people it hurts?" Or am I getting swept along because it's what's trending right now? It's not wrong to give input about the famous people who are in powerful positions in Hollywood, Government, or even in religion, but also if you truly want to see rape culture stopped, and bad behavior not normalized, we need to remember where be personally started with this issue. For me it was because a family member had been sexually assaulted. I became more aware about this issue because with every person who privately shared their story outside of the spotlight, something in me changed. I also remember feeling like a single voice trying to get others attention about rape, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and other issues. When you care about something like this, you speak up for the people whose lives it's affecting. That's something that I try to remember for the sake of one more person who wonders if their life really matters.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends who strive to survive in this Invisible War.

Previous Issue

Her At Fourteen

Her At Fourteen

Janis Ian wrote the words to a song about teenage awkwardness. Besides the struggle of figuring out where and how to fit in, many girls and boys deal with quiet secrets.

On Twitter the conversations have moved from #Metoo to #MeAt14. Some of the Tweets with shared
pics, reflect a time when we were too old for some things, and not grown-up enough for other things. Some of us had never used the word consent in a complete sentence, much less knew what it meant.

Left- @GottaLaff  Right- @Ynubet reflect on being 14

My friend, @GottaLaff Remembers: #MeAt14 "Nobody was more innocent, trusting. I had braces, I was shy, and couldn't talk to boys." When adults let us into their lives, we felt a little more grown-up too. We trusted them with our innocence, and in some cases aspired to be more like the ones closest to us. Some of the Tweets seem to open up deep wounds that should have never been inflicted as in the case of someone called @Ynubet: This is #MeAt14. I'd already endured several years of sexual assault and physical abuse by adults. This was me, finally happy, in my 2nd adoption. A short time after this was taken, I was assaulted twice by my peers. She was betrayed by adults who appeared to be trust-worthy. Some remember what it meant to be 14 or 17, in the worse way.

In 1979, Leigh Corfman, a 14 year old young girl sat outside a courtroom in Etowah County, Alabama with her mother. Her life was changing significantly because of a child custody hearing. She no doubt had many feelings going around in her head and what all of that would mean to her future. As she and her Mom sat on that wooden bench outside the courthouse, a friendly and charming 32 year old assistant district attorney, approached them and struck up a conversation with Leigh and her mother. Perhaps he was the most friendly face they has seen in the courthouse that day. The man's name was Roy Moore and his demeanor must have seemed disarming to the pair as he offered to sit and watch the young teen while mother bearded the lion in the judicial den. “He said, ‘Oh, you don’t want her to go in there and hear all that. I’ll stay out here with her.’ ” The mom, Nancy Wells, seemed impressed at the time, as she would later recall, “how nice for him to want to take care of my little girl.” Nancy then walked off and apparently never gave it a second thought. By the time her business in the courtroom was over, Roy Moore had charmed and flattered Leigh Corfman, asking about her school, personal interests, and concluding their talk with an exchange of phone numbers.

Leigh Corfman and Mom, Nancy Wells (1997)

Perhaps it was a strange and wonderful feeling that the teenager felt that day. She had a new friend in her life who was older, and an important one at that. In 1979 a fourteen year old girl living in a Bible belt state like Alabama would assuredly be naive compared to one living in this present day. No internet, no cell phones, and cable TV was less than a decade old. I mention these facts to say Leigh Corfman was a child who was about to keep company with an man twice her age.

Moore would convince this impressionable teenager to meet him around the corner from her house, and then drive her to his home where he engaged in criminal and lewd behavior.

Days later, she says, he picked her up around the corner from her house in Gadsden, drove her about 30 minutes to his home in the woods, told her how pretty she was and kissed her. On a second visit, she says, he took off her shirt and pants and removed his clothes. He touched her over her bra and underpants, she says, and guided her hand to touch him over his underwear.

“I wanted it over with — I wanted out,” she remembers thinking. “Please just get this over with. Whatever this is, just get it over.” Corfman says she asked Moore to take her home, and he did.- Washington Post November 9, 2017

In a scathing tell-all article from the Washington Post Judge Roy Moore's sexual life has been opened up for everyone to see. When you run for elected office, this is fair and realistic. Every rock will get turned over, every nook and cranny will be flushed through. It's the gauntlet you walk, or you drop out. Thirty witnesses, including Corfman's Mom, gave statements which back up what took place. The article also recounts other teenage girls stories, who knew him and he personally pursued these girls as well. Although nothing as sexually graphic happened with the other teenage girls at the time, the 32 year old Moore's pattern of behavior was unnerving for someone who was suppose to know and enforced the law. Roy Moore, now a judge with ambitions to grab the brass ring of the Senate, is calling this a hit job. Now 70, Moore laid out his political and personal track record to the media including a wonderful wife of 32 years, 4 children, highlighting the fact that one is a daughter. On the outside looking into Moore's life, he's a family man with so-called religious and moral convictions, plus a stellar career. Last weekend he seemed shocked and dismayed that someone would attack his life, especially now.

Roy Moore gives defense against allegations of sexual misconduct

"I've been investigated more than any other person in this country. To think that grown women would wait 40 years to come before--- right before an election to bring charges is absolutely unbelievable. Why now?"- Roy Moore  Veteran's Day campaign event. Birmingham, Alabama. November 11, 2017

If Moore had been on the outside looking in at Leigh Corfman's life, then (according to the WaPo article) he'd realize his encounter with her set off a chain of bad circumstances for the girl as she became a woman. What blamers and shamers of sexual assault don't see are the invisible scars of self-abuse survivors struggle with. Self-blame is the biggest struggle, which can turn into other problems.

“I felt responsible,” she says. “I felt like I had done something bad. And it kind of set the course for me doing other things that were bad.” She says that her teenage life became increasingly reckless with drinking, drugs, boyfriends, and a suicide attempt when she was 16." -Washington Post November 9, 2017

The young woman pushed her dirty secret down deeper. Leigh's attempt with marriage failed 3 times. Plus an unsuccessful try at business, got her in hot water with the IRS. She knew something was going haywire inside of her. Perhaps this dark secret about an assistant DA, now a judge, was pushing hard on her life. Roy Moore also didn't see that Leigh Corfman had struggled to confront him at least 3 times. According to the same article, Corfman had driven to the office of the career climbing judge. She sat outside his office rehearsing a speech in her mind that she didn't have the nerve to give him. Fear can hold back some survivors for days, while some survivors feel tethered for years.

Many things keep them from speaking out about the Harvey Weinsteins, the Bill Cosbys or any powerful person. Not all survivors speak out at the same time, (if they speak out at all.) Why now Mr. Moore? Perhaps because as you continued to rise to prominence in political circles it became harder and harder for Miss Corfman to escape seeing your face on television, wearing a Stetson and waving a toy gun. Or reading about you in the newspapers, or seeing you larger than life on a billboard.  Survivors always carry around a ton of guilt about their assault, But sooner or later they may have an "I don't give a damn" moment, and finally speak out. When you don't know how life works for a victim of pedophilia, rape, sexual assault, or sexual harassment, then you don't understand that speaking out won't come at a time that will make some people happy. And we don't get to tell a survivor when that will be.

One person is fighting for a political career. The other is fighting to break free and live as a whole person. Some people who see Judge Moore as a true religious pillar, shockingly have already said, "I would rather vote for a child molester, than some guy whose not from my party!" Does winning in politics, mean that you would violate your own moral standards? Maybe the rhetorical question for the sake of victims of sexual assault and the least of these in our country has to be: "What does it profit someone to gain everything, and lose their soul? And what would you give in exchange for your soul?" Roy Moore, and the voters of Alabama will have to answer those questions, sooner or later.

Special thanks to: 

@GottaLaff and @Ynubet reflect on Twitter

And all of those who have shared in the #MeAt14 trend. I've learned a lot.

Previous Issue:

Sexual assault behind the shield.Law And Disorder

Law and Disorder

"The abuse of women and girls is the most pervasive and unaddressed human rights violation on this Earth."                  

-Jimmy Carter

Warning: The following article contains graphic descriptions of sexual violence.

I would give this article a musical theme, but the issue is so vile it doesn't deserve one. we're in the #MeToo era in our society. Hollywood powerful types are being called out for predatory behavior. And that is good. We need to have that conversation. It can make a difference. 

I have a certain list for bad cops too: for either killing unarmed civilians, or rape. The first one has been heavily debated on social media with comments like,

Ayanna Cruver tells her story tearfully.

"you should always obey a police officer... he must have done something to get shot... Or the video doesn't tell the whole story." Good police deserve our respect and support.  But the shocking reality is, like the weeds among the wheat, there are bad cops among the good ones who do the one thing which they should be protecting people from. It can feel like a game of Russian roulette for a person to get pulled over in today's climate. You never know what could happen or if you will meet a good cop or bad cop. Ayanna Cruver was pulled over by a policeman. Her story had a good conclusion. But she felt the fear and horror that some feel when the police pulls a woman, or a person of color over these days. (Watch her video on YouTube) If her words or story causes feelings of empathy then you understand this issue better than most.

The latest scenario plays out like the Daniel Hotzclaw case. Some of you may remember the Oklahoma City cop who was brought to justice after sexually assaulting 13 African American women in 2015. I was hoping we would having seen the last of that sort of betrayal by some of our men in blue, but not so.
Two detectives, Edward Martins and Richard Hall, assigned to patrol the Coney Island neighborhood as part of an anti-drug unit, Brooklyn South Narcotics, broke off from the rest of their team and stopped 18-year-old Anna Chambers and two of her friends, both men, driving an Infinity coupe in Calvert Vaux Park.  As one of the detectives shined his flashlight through the window and saw the young woman adjusting her bra the other one asked if she was hiding something, Anna told him she was simply adjusting her nipple piercing.  The detectives asked her to prove it, and the young woman complied by lifting up her top, exposing her breasts.

Trolling Cops handcuff suspect with false motives

Like Daniel Hotzclaw, these 2 cops were trolling for vulnerable women who may have run afoul of the law before.  So when they came across a small amount of grass and other pills, they didn't call for back up, or even arrest the male passengers. They simply removed the Chambers, put cuffs on her and drove away. Martins called the woman’s friends who were left behind telling them not to follow them. The number was blocked keeping them from being located. According to the prosecutor for this case, Frank DeGaetano:

It was then that Detective Martins sat down next to the woman and said that he and his partner were “freaks,” asking her what she wanted to do to avoid being arrested, Mr. DeGaetano said. After tightening the handcuffs, Detective Martins pulled out his penis and forced the woman to perform oral sex on him, Mr. DeGaetano said. Then he turned her around, pulled her pants down and raped her, Mr. DeGaetano added, as Detective Hall watched through the rearview mirror and the young woman cried and pleaded with Detective Martins to stop. -NY Times October 30, 2017

Anna Chambers

This was followed by the men driving to a quiet location, switching places, Hall then sexually assaulted Miss Chambers. Apparently the detectives drove her a few blocks away from the precinct where she called her friends. The victim told her male friends of the attack, and they took her to a hospital, where a rape kit was done, and the DNA evidence proved positive for sexual activity.
However admitting to the crime must have been beneath both Martin and Hall's pay grade. They both said the sex was consensual. The idea that two of New York's Finest' best defense for this heinous act was to call it "consensual" was not only unprofessional, but seriously pathetic.
New York City Councilman Mark Treyger is determine to close an arguable loophole in the law. He says whatever happened in the van should be illegal and that a person in police custody cannot give consent.

"There is no such thing as consensual sex when someone else is in police custody. That is rape," NYC Councilman Mark Treyger.- NBC4 New York

Currently both men's lawyers are trying to defend them on the grounds that Miss Chambers trapped them both into sex, and then she was attempting to get some sort of possible payout. The defense is attempting to paint this young woman as being a questionable witness who was apprehended with drugs on her. However no formal charges were filed against Chambers.
Like any horrific act, the victim is still trying to deal with the aftermath of it all. According to  another article, in People:

Her attorney, Michael David, tells PEOPLE “She feels helpless and depressed, and she stays in a room all day,” David tells PEOPLE. “She was planning to go to college next semester, but she won’t be doing that anymore. Two monsters with badges and guns drove off with her in a small minivan and raped her while on duty.”- People/Crime People.com October 30, 2017

Miller and Hall arraigned with no blue wall support for them- NY Times

Okay, I get it. We no longer live in the day and age of Joe Friday, or Reed and McCoy the polite TV cops who tipped their hats, and said,"Just the facts ma'am." Some seem to like their detectives, a little more sexy, with a few vices, and edgier these days. But policemen are still thought of as exceptional men and women in the public's eye. What they should represent is honesty, respect for those they serve, and doing the right thing even when no one is looking. The question in many people's minds no doubt is: how do you trust the people who carry a badge, and are suppose to represent the finest ideas in a society when they give in to the darkest perversions and deepest of human betrayals, just because they have power over us? To some that may sound like hyperbole, but we've seen far too many acts of police misconduct to write this off as just another isolated incident.
Anna Chambers was brave enough to undergo an embarrassing Rape kit probe, and report her rape to the police, thus coming back with a 50-count indictment from the DA.
Typically, when officers are charged with crimes, their colleagues come to court in a sea of blue uniforms to support them. But on Monday, October 30, not one officer appeared in court with Detectives Martins and Hall. Hopefully that will be an omen in the victim's favor.

Special Thanks to:

Anna Chambers @annaaachambers for allowing me to share her story. Give her a word of encourament on Twitter.

Previous Issue

Truth and Justice, ...the Deplorable Way

It's Fox News versus  Superman! No really. Fox editorializes the dangers  of children reading comics where a super hero prevents immigrants from being slaughtered by an American patriot.

On My Vlog Channel 

Check out the first YouTube video on Audrie And Daisy. The only thing as bad as sexual assault, is when others side with the perpetrators.

Thank you all for your support.