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| Road less Traveled |
Nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget.
I hope you will bear with my thoughts and opinions, because some of them are a little heady.
A week ago, by the time I hit the published button, it seemed like a dam had broken. Four more Roy Moore accusers stepped up to add their voices to the original ones. Now, with a few likable personalities such as Al Franken thrown into the mix, followed by President Trump's mocking, it has been a mental pile up of opinions, reactions, and Twitter drama.
For some of us, it's obvious to the most casual person, that someone who has a history of questionable behavior, followed by being banned from their own town's mall, is not suited for public office and needs to be called out on it. I continue to watch the behavior of Roy Moore. He not only says all of his accusers are liars, but he continues to invoke God, Jesus, and his pristine background as a husband, father, and grandfather.
It's a real moment in politics only found in Brady Bunch re-runs. Moore's wife and sweetheart (a real Carol Brady of the south,) Kayla, proudly stands by her man, along with Moore's political base. We saw a "Night of the Religious Dead" screaming at reporters recently. They barred them access to the Judge, calling the reporters "fake news from the swamp." (How original.)
On the flipside of this Sweet Home Alabama political scenario, news broke out about funny man turned, State Senator, Al Franken. Back in 2006 on a USO tour, Franken did some real dumb and inappropriate things with Leeann Tweeden, a radio host and former model. The photo was jaw dropping to some of his friends, fans, and followers. And the reactions were different. By the time the full effect was felt, it was like a 20-car pile-up. Opinions outside of the "gotcha" crowd, called for Franken's resignation, some felt the comparison to Donald Trump and Moore was unfair, others chimed in, "They all should go!" While others suspect that the Franken attack was a hit job with a fake photo. Some of that back and forth discourse didn't end well. I even suspect some of this could have opened up old personal wounds of sexual abuse or harassment.
I've said very little on the subject of Bill Cosby, because the initial revelations and fallout almost
wrecked me. I grew up in the sixties admiring him as an example of what a black man could become. He went from stand up comic to the voice of Fat Albert (giving moral lessons to kids),
iconic TV Dad in the 80's, and spokesman on many issues. So when the news of Cosby's serial sexual assaults came, it hit me like a wrecking ball. For awhile I was stunned into silence, and maybe secretly praying that this was some cruel prank or conspiracy. But as it became more evident that my idol was a rapist, I had to work through my five stages of grief and admit to myself, "Yes, he did those things." I couldn't excuse him, or crawl into some imaginary Cliff Huxtable world. One of the lesson's I've learned is that, the truth may set you free, but it can sometimes hurt like hell.
To Al Franken's personal credit, he responded to the allegations almost immediately.
An apology doesn't make everything rosy for the Senator. But maybe it highlights the difference in someone whose not running away from himself or what he did. His actions towards Miss Tweeden were wrong, the picture (according to one of my friends,) triggered her PTSD. This is why I've always said that rape is not, and cannot, be judged politically. This is a personal issue. And even when it's not personal for you, it can be for someone you know.
Simply illustrated: if the most likable person you know who also likes you as well, takes you to dinner and treats a waitress badly, maybe even pinches her ass, do you dismiss it? If she complains about it, do you say to her, "he really is a nice guy" or "he was just kidding..." or "That's just the way he is. But he doesn't mean any harm." Then you've just co-signed with someone against that waitress who brought your food, kept your water glass filled, and served you with a smile.
Before I finish this next sentence, there will be more sexual harassment and sex assault revelations coming out. We have to also remember that there are also un-famous abusers still committing these crimes to not-so-famous people like ourselves. So maybe we have to ask ourselves-- "Does this get our attention because I care about the issue, and the people it hurts?" Or am I getting swept along because it's what's trending right now? It's not wrong to give input about the famous people who are in powerful positions in Hollywood, Government, or even in religion, but also if you truly want to see rape culture stopped, and bad behavior not normalized, we need to remember where be personally started with this issue. For me it was because a family member had been sexually assaulted. I became more aware about this issue because with every person who privately shared their story outside of the spotlight, something in me changed. I also remember feeling like a single voice trying to get others attention about rape, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and other issues. When you care about something like this, you speak up for the people whose lives it's affecting. That's something that I try to remember for the sake of one more person who wonders if their life really matters.
And I've got nothing to regret.
But I'm all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I've got,
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be
I'm not anymore.
-Don McClean
-Don McClean
I hope you will bear with my thoughts and opinions, because some of them are a little heady.
For some of us, it's obvious to the most casual person, that someone who has a history of questionable behavior, followed by being banned from their own town's mall, is not suited for public office and needs to be called out on it. I continue to watch the behavior of Roy Moore. He not only says all of his accusers are liars, but he continues to invoke God, Jesus, and his pristine background as a husband, father, and grandfather.
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| Moore Staff and Supporters with religious zeal yell at media |
On the flipside of this Sweet Home Alabama political scenario, news broke out about funny man turned, State Senator, Al Franken. Back in 2006 on a USO tour, Franken did some real dumb and inappropriate things with Leeann Tweeden, a radio host and former model. The photo was jaw dropping to some of his friends, fans, and followers. And the reactions were different. By the time the full effect was felt, it was like a 20-car pile-up. Opinions outside of the "gotcha" crowd, called for Franken's resignation, some felt the comparison to Donald Trump and Moore was unfair, others chimed in, "They all should go!" While others suspect that the Franken attack was a hit job with a fake photo. Some of that back and forth discourse didn't end well. I even suspect some of this could have opened up old personal wounds of sexual abuse or harassment.
What I Use To Be, I'm Not Anymore
The reality for me has been that although there are unrepentant types in politics, in the entertainment arena, or even in my personal life, people are not perfect. They will disappoint and disillusion us and it hurts sometimes.I've said very little on the subject of Bill Cosby, because the initial revelations and fallout almost
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| Bill Cosby and Cast of very famous 80's sitcom |
iconic TV Dad in the 80's, and spokesman on many issues. So when the news of Cosby's serial sexual assaults came, it hit me like a wrecking ball. For awhile I was stunned into silence, and maybe secretly praying that this was some cruel prank or conspiracy. But as it became more evident that my idol was a rapist, I had to work through my five stages of grief and admit to myself, "Yes, he did those things." I couldn't excuse him, or crawl into some imaginary Cliff Huxtable world. One of the lesson's I've learned is that, the truth may set you free, but it can sometimes hurt like hell.
To Al Franken's personal credit, he responded to the allegations almost immediately.
"The first thing I want to do is apologize: to Leeann, to everyone else who was part of that tour, to everyone who has worked for me, to everyone I represent, and to everyone who counts on me to be an ally and supporter and champion of women. There's more I want to say, but the first and most important thing—and if it's the only thing you care to hear, that's fine—is: I'm sorry.
"I respect women. I don't respect men who don't. And the fact that my own actions have given people a good reason to doubt that, makes me feel ashamed.
"But I want to say something else, too. Over the last few months, all of us—including and especially men who respect women—have been forced to take a good, hard look at our own actions and think (perhaps, shamefully, for the first time) about how those actions have affected women. See full statement at CNN.com.
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| SNL Comic turned Senator Al Franken |
Simply illustrated: if the most likable person you know who also likes you as well, takes you to dinner and treats a waitress badly, maybe even pinches her ass, do you dismiss it? If she complains about it, do you say to her, "he really is a nice guy" or "he was just kidding..." or "That's just the way he is. But he doesn't mean any harm." Then you've just co-signed with someone against that waitress who brought your food, kept your water glass filled, and served you with a smile.
All Tied Up On The Inside
It's okay to admit you're struggling with a nice guy's behavior. In fact to admit that to others, like Sarah Silverman did, is very human.For me Sarah Silverman is a hero. That may repulse some of you because she's been associated with Louie CK. But I see her as someone who seems to be vulnerable and scared enough to admit this whole issue is a big fat freaking mess. The person she admired did this, and she's pissed and confused, and really doesn't want to talk about it. But she's laying it out there in an un-cute and unfunny way. That takes courage. She's not saying things to make the tribe or her fans feel better. It's just a messed up situation and it is what it is."One of my best friends of over 25 years, Louie C.K, masturbated in front of women---He wielded his power with women and in f**ked up ways sometimes to the point where they left Comedy entirely. I could couch this with heartwarming stories of our friendship and what a great dad he is but that's totally irrelevant isn't it? Yes it is. It's a real mindf**k--- you know because, I love Louie--- but Louie did these things. Both of those statements are true. So I just keep asking myself-- can you love someone who did bad things? Can you still love them? I can mull that over later certainly because the only people that matter right now are the victims. They are victims, and they're victims because of something he did--- so I hope it's okay if I am at once very angry for the women he wronged, and the culture that enabled it. And also sad, because he's my friend. But I believe with all my heart that this moment in time is essential it's vital that people are held accountable for their actions no matter who they are we need to be better--- we will be better.- Sarah Silverman Comments on Sexual Harassment
Stand-up Comic Sarah Silverman
All Roads Lead To Where We Stand
Before I finish this next sentence, there will be more sexual harassment and sex assault revelations coming out. We have to also remember that there are also un-famous abusers still committing these crimes to not-so-famous people like ourselves. So maybe we have to ask ourselves-- "Does this get our attention because I care about the issue, and the people it hurts?" Or am I getting swept along because it's what's trending right now? It's not wrong to give input about the famous people who are in powerful positions in Hollywood, Government, or even in religion, but also if you truly want to see rape culture stopped, and bad behavior not normalized, we need to remember where be personally started with this issue. For me it was because a family member had been sexually assaulted. I became more aware about this issue because with every person who privately shared their story outside of the spotlight, something in me changed. I also remember feeling like a single voice trying to get others attention about rape, sexual harassment, sexual assault, and other issues. When you care about something like this, you speak up for the people whose lives it's affecting. That's something that I try to remember for the sake of one more person who wonders if their life really matters.
Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends who strive to survive in this Invisible War.
Previous Issue
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| Her At Fourteen |
Your perspective is, as always, the product of an enlightened mind. In the last few days, I've read several overviews of the situation in which we find ourselves and none came close to this. Thank you for recognizing and giving voice to the struggle many of us are dealing with.
ReplyDeleteThank you Shelby. This subject seems to have become the thing we talk about but for some, it's deeply personal. It's also becoming "The abuser of the week subject." Once in awhile a little perspective in needed. Thanks as always to your support.
ReplyDelete