Her At Fourteen

Janis Ian wrote the words to a song about teenage awkwardness. Besides the struggle of figuring out where and how to fit in, many girls and boys deal with quiet secrets.

On Twitter the conversations have moved from #Metoo to #MeAt14. Some of the Tweets with shared
pics, reflect a time when we were too old for some things, and not grown-up enough for other things. Some of us had never used the word consent in a complete sentence, much less knew what it meant.

Left- @GottaLaff  Right- @Ynubet reflect on being 14

My friend, @GottaLaff Remembers: #MeAt14 "Nobody was more innocent, trusting. I had braces, I was shy, and couldn't talk to boys." When adults let us into their lives, we felt a little more grown-up too. We trusted them with our innocence, and in some cases aspired to be more like the ones closest to us. Some of the Tweets seem to open up deep wounds that should have never been inflicted as in the case of someone called @Ynubet: This is #MeAt14. I'd already endured several years of sexual assault and physical abuse by adults. This was me, finally happy, in my 2nd adoption. A short time after this was taken, I was assaulted twice by my peers. She was betrayed by adults who appeared to be trust-worthy. Some remember what it meant to be 14 or 17, in the worse way.

In 1979, Leigh Corfman, a 14 year old young girl sat outside a courtroom in Etowah County, Alabama with her mother. Her life was changing significantly because of a child custody hearing. She no doubt had many feelings going around in her head and what all of that would mean to her future. As she and her Mom sat on that wooden bench outside the courthouse, a friendly and charming 32 year old assistant district attorney, approached them and struck up a conversation with Leigh and her mother. Perhaps he was the most friendly face they has seen in the courthouse that day. The man's name was Roy Moore and his demeanor must have seemed disarming to the pair as he offered to sit and watch the young teen while mother bearded the lion in the judicial den. “He said, ‘Oh, you don’t want her to go in there and hear all that. I’ll stay out here with her.’ ” The mom, Nancy Wells, seemed impressed at the time, as she would later recall, “how nice for him to want to take care of my little girl.” Nancy then walked off and apparently never gave it a second thought. By the time her business in the courtroom was over, Roy Moore had charmed and flattered Leigh Corfman, asking about her school, personal interests, and concluding their talk with an exchange of phone numbers.

Leigh Corfman and Mom, Nancy Wells (1997)

Perhaps it was a strange and wonderful feeling that the teenager felt that day. She had a new friend in her life who was older, and an important one at that. In 1979 a fourteen year old girl living in a Bible belt state like Alabama would assuredly be naive compared to one living in this present day. No internet, no cell phones, and cable TV was less than a decade old. I mention these facts to say Leigh Corfman was a child who was about to keep company with an man twice her age.

Moore would convince this impressionable teenager to meet him around the corner from her house, and then drive her to his home where he engaged in criminal and lewd behavior.

Days later, she says, he picked her up around the corner from her house in Gadsden, drove her about 30 minutes to his home in the woods, told her how pretty she was and kissed her. On a second visit, she says, he took off her shirt and pants and removed his clothes. He touched her over her bra and underpants, she says, and guided her hand to touch him over his underwear.

“I wanted it over with — I wanted out,” she remembers thinking. “Please just get this over with. Whatever this is, just get it over.” Corfman says she asked Moore to take her home, and he did.- Washington Post November 9, 2017

In a scathing tell-all article from the Washington Post Judge Roy Moore's sexual life has been opened up for everyone to see. When you run for elected office, this is fair and realistic. Every rock will get turned over, every nook and cranny will be flushed through. It's the gauntlet you walk, or you drop out. Thirty witnesses, including Corfman's Mom, gave statements which back up what took place. The article also recounts other teenage girls stories, who knew him and he personally pursued these girls as well. Although nothing as sexually graphic happened with the other teenage girls at the time, the 32 year old Moore's pattern of behavior was unnerving for someone who was suppose to know and enforced the law. Roy Moore, now a judge with ambitions to grab the brass ring of the Senate, is calling this a hit job. Now 70, Moore laid out his political and personal track record to the media including a wonderful wife of 32 years, 4 children, highlighting the fact that one is a daughter. On the outside looking into Moore's life, he's a family man with so-called religious and moral convictions, plus a stellar career. Last weekend he seemed shocked and dismayed that someone would attack his life, especially now.

Roy Moore gives defense against allegations of sexual misconduct

"I've been investigated more than any other person in this country. To think that grown women would wait 40 years to come before--- right before an election to bring charges is absolutely unbelievable. Why now?"- Roy Moore  Veteran's Day campaign event. Birmingham, Alabama. November 11, 2017

If Moore had been on the outside looking in at Leigh Corfman's life, then (according to the WaPo article) he'd realize his encounter with her set off a chain of bad circumstances for the girl as she became a woman. What blamers and shamers of sexual assault don't see are the invisible scars of self-abuse survivors struggle with. Self-blame is the biggest struggle, which can turn into other problems.

“I felt responsible,” she says. “I felt like I had done something bad. And it kind of set the course for me doing other things that were bad.” She says that her teenage life became increasingly reckless with drinking, drugs, boyfriends, and a suicide attempt when she was 16." -Washington Post November 9, 2017

The young woman pushed her dirty secret down deeper. Leigh's attempt with marriage failed 3 times. Plus an unsuccessful try at business, got her in hot water with the IRS. She knew something was going haywire inside of her. Perhaps this dark secret about an assistant DA, now a judge, was pushing hard on her life. Roy Moore also didn't see that Leigh Corfman had struggled to confront him at least 3 times. According to the same article, Corfman had driven to the office of the career climbing judge. She sat outside his office rehearsing a speech in her mind that she didn't have the nerve to give him. Fear can hold back some survivors for days, while some survivors feel tethered for years.

Many things keep them from speaking out about the Harvey Weinsteins, the Bill Cosbys or any powerful person. Not all survivors speak out at the same time, (if they speak out at all.) Why now Mr. Moore? Perhaps because as you continued to rise to prominence in political circles it became harder and harder for Miss Corfman to escape seeing your face on television, wearing a Stetson and waving a toy gun. Or reading about you in the newspapers, or seeing you larger than life on a billboard.  Survivors always carry around a ton of guilt about their assault, But sooner or later they may have an "I don't give a damn" moment, and finally speak out. When you don't know how life works for a victim of pedophilia, rape, sexual assault, or sexual harassment, then you don't understand that speaking out won't come at a time that will make some people happy. And we don't get to tell a survivor when that will be.

One person is fighting for a political career. The other is fighting to break free and live as a whole person. Some people who see Judge Moore as a true religious pillar, shockingly have already said, "I would rather vote for a child molester, than some guy whose not from my party!" Does winning in politics, mean that you would violate your own moral standards? Maybe the rhetorical question for the sake of victims of sexual assault and the least of these in our country has to be: "What does it profit someone to gain everything, and lose their soul? And what would you give in exchange for your soul?" Roy Moore, and the voters of Alabama will have to answer those questions, sooner or later.

Special thanks to: 

@GottaLaff and @Ynubet reflect on Twitter

And all of those who have shared in the #MeAt14 trend. I've learned a lot.

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